The summer between my sophomore and junior years in college, I was fortunate enough to participate in the Student Parent Orientation Program - SPOP for short - at UC Irvine. To this day, SPOP remains one of the most impactful experiences of my life. From the hundreds of applications that are submitted, only about 100 or so students are chosen to be part of this highly-esteemed program each year.
For an entire quarter, our group went through two hours of diversity training each week. I got to know myself so well and learned many valuable life skills that I still use today. We did all this in preparation for the summer orientation programs for incoming freshmen and their parents. Throughout the summer there were a handful of single-day orientation programs that we ran, in addition to the three weekend orientations we put on. It was these two-night weekend orientations that were the crown jewels of what we did as a team. In a single weekend we lived with our SPOPers, as we called them, in the dorms (students and their parents were separated into student and parent dorms), and led them through seminars on everything from class selection to dining, with the goal of making their college transition smooth. On the last night the staffers put on a talent show and threw a dance that everyone attended. From arrival to the dreaded goodbye, there was plenty of sharing, storytelling, laughter, tears, and memories made. There is nothing I can write here that will do SPOP justice - it was simply an incredible, life-changing experience for all involved.
At the end of the last weekend orientation after the students and their parents had left, the staff from my particular dorm - there were probably about eight of us - were debriefing the weekend. We all took turns sharing our takeaways, and something one girl said, has stuck with me all these years. When it was Liza's turn, she took the opportunity to say something nice about each of us. When she came to me, she said she was talking to somebody prior to the start of the weekend about who she was going to be staffed with, and that person told her that I really bring people together.
I was stunned. I had never been told anything like that before and it was the first compliment I'd ever been given that I was really proud of.
I've always loved to host in my home, and being an event planner - more specifically a wedding coordinator - that's a very physical example of brining people together. In my sports writing career, it has always been my mission to bring fans closer to the game, the team, and the athletes through my storytelling by giving people a glimpse of something they wouldn't otherwise have. At the rink, I take a lot of pride in uniting my teams and fostering a team-first environment. I always thought I was doing a decent job.
Then recently, something happened that humbled me.
I wrote this story about Rob Nunnery, one of the players on the APP Tour. The story in itself is a career highlight and I may never get one this hard-hitting again. A couple weeks after the Rob feature posted, #Will told me that upon reading it, he reached out to Rob to share some positive messaging. Prior to that the two had a bit of a tense relationship, just due to the fact that Will is a relative newbie and Rob is the decorated veteran. Things would get chippy between them during matches, and Will was completely understanding of the dynamic. However, he said that after he reached out and the two shared words, things were less hostile between them at the following tournament in New York, and there is now a mutual respect.
I have to be honest here. I didn't even comprehend the magnitude and meaning of this until well after I had hung up with Will. But after processing the details and putting it into my own context, I can't even find words to express how knowing this makes me feel. Ha! There is a first time for everything, I guess. Really though - is there any better example of bringing people together? All these years later and I feel like I got this incredible, full-circle moment.
One of things I noticed about all of this is that it wouldn't have happened if not for Rob's courage and strength in sharing his pain and struggle with the world. I think oftentimes we are so consumed with appearing tough and put together (I'm looking in the mirror, here) that we forget that one of the most powerful agents of human connection is vulnerability.
This reminds me of a scene from my favorite Disney/Pixar movie, "Inside Out." (I am so excited to watch the new sequel that just got released!) In the scene, Joy realizes that Riley's mom, dad and teammates came to Riley's aid because of Sadness. It's not just that Riley IS sad, it's that she displays and shares her sadness, and as a result, gives her parents and teammates the opportunity to come to her...to connect with her. Sadness is the hero that saves the movie.
In reality, I think that all forms of sharing require vulnerability, whether it's joy or sadness. When we share with others, we put ourselves out there. It allows another person to know us and to see us, which can be a frightening thing. While it's arguably harder to share difficult emotions and experiences, it's also scary and vulnerable to give compliments, to offer kindness, and to tell people we love them.
To this day I don't know who the original payor of the compliment was. But because of that person, and because of Liza, and because of Rob and because of Will (twice, once with Rob and then with me), I have this wonderful story to share here, and I'd be lying if I said there weren't tears in my eyes as I write this. I hope this inspires you - to share your kindness and your pain, to pay a compliment, and to not hold back your truth. I hope this inspires you to connect with someone. You could change their life, and more importantly...you could change yours.
"The most beautiful stories always start with wreckage." ~Jack London
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